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feeling angry, angry at myself. of failures, of people neglected, of things that could be but did not. things arent the best in school. they'll never be. but i'd work at it. i've got to.
like melancholy's hit me. like silence had my throat. like rhyme's left me. hopefully, things wont be this sick, draining repetition. give me some time, but no, i still owe time. i'll never have enough. in another way, i've got too much. a lifetime too much. i'd never want things like this. i'd never want my life on extremes, one is enough. let me thouch the top or let me fall, let me fall to the depths of suffering, of pain, of love lost, of poverty, but not long too, of life lost. reading the dictionary helps... not fool proof. i read and ideas come. they've come as individual words. they've come contrasting each other. they've made my thoughts swirl. swirl but only swirl. nothing out but everything else goes in. the last time this happened, my blog became like that. white. if words be the blood in me, white be the colour of me. i'm drained. probably if this happens again, my blog will be whiter than derek's. or pink. or black. or gone........... For you.
_____________________ i dont really care about going for competitions. i just want my fitness back. my speed too. probably i run faster when i'm in sec 1/2. lalas.did v badly for the selections. not gonna go for friday's. but might go for friday's training. left groin and right knee. it doesnt really matter cos i cant make it anyway, at least yet. lalas For you.
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