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i will type what i want to type. you said "ya..". no you said "ya". simplicity in its endlessness. but does it mean what it means? or was it just an expression or a reply? we set out to do our things. we go different paths. i want to see you. i will trade tomorrows for yesterdays. the future is gloomy. i dont know what to type. i dont know what to type. i want to buy levi jeans. i have a test on tuesday. i need a break. i want to read. i dont have the time to read. i wanna run. no i want to sprint. take flight. i want to fall. i want to hurt. makes me awake. keeps me thinking i am alive. was that you? where are you? you must have been as far as eyes can see. of milk spilt. from which brough forth. this is one of the longest entry. i dont know. no, i dont know yet. hey you, dont say "i dont know" anymore. check it out. find out. the way you feel pain. the way you learn. i cannot sleep if i drink. i drink to bring myself to subconsciousness where i can remember. in that subconsciousness i find clarity. clear of what i wanted. clear as my vision blurs.yet though, blurring reality, like mixing tomato katchup and chilli sauce. present and past. reality and hallucination. i see you, now. in a place you are not at. you stand in front of me. somewhere where you are not at. just like the necessity of the waves. the lust for the sand. in attempt to climb. i fail. my thoughts get clearer. i look at the screen knowing what i want to type. i do. but i dont want it like this. can i somehow do this without thinking. from which brought forth of course. thoughts brought me here. and i wanna do without. endless typing. i want to. but in my thoughts. there, it stops. like the many full stops. you said "ya" not "ya..." simplicity in its endlessness. yet end, in its simplicity. back to where we were, ungreeted. and someday, i hope. i hope. where one day we will say hello in good grace. good grace. you wanna know? where you find pain, i have thread. where i do, you avoid. in this stretch. i cant stop. i think. i think. i think of you. can i not stop? where are you? have you read this far? no you have not. why should you. no reason. that was not a question. no question mark. no mark of a question. i want distinctions. i will work for them. i see no clear skys. the future is gloomy. 30 is too much. i dont ask for much. i dont want either. darkest desire without consequences. how nice. who wouldnt want. i count the fullstops. no, there are too many. it goes. it stretches. like the number of days. since we last said. since we last did. also i wanna tell you. he is more marketable. more than him. but in laughter and in jeers you have become arrogant. you insult. but you are one. like i am. as i have said. what you have. one day you dont curse. one day we will meet. one day we will say hello. say hello in good grace. see your sincere smile. of sincerity n perseverance. where we have learnt. and in that we will learn. to know. to love. to forgive. if it means to be forgiven. my heart like dry ice. it has gone. but well no, i do have. you took it. and left it in your distance. and where i cannot reach. now how do i stop this? do i stop it like this? where in turn i go on. then i shall continue, like this
For you.
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